rayofmemory's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ::Giving up:: How did life get like this?
I rip out my own heart and hand it to you.
Fill my lungs with sand. Things aren't getting any easier? Are they supposed to? I'm running around in circles. The screaming gets louder each time around. Why can't anyone help me? Why won't I let them? Why can't I help myself? Why, is my life all tears and darkness? It's been so long since I've seen the light. Everything is so hopeless. I am so hopeless. I get so scared. That if I fall once more, I won't be able to stand up again. Paralyzed in my own fear. Anchored to rock bottom. My feelings always take the back-seat to everything else. I put myself on hold. Where do I start when you ask what's wrong? My own words tangle in my throat for me to choke on. I'm all vague. Misery is the best of me. I'm too frightened to reveal myself. To lie naked before you. Gone. Sometimes too far gone for you to understand. For you to reach. Your hand is reaching for me, and I'm backing into a corner. Sometimes, if you don't know, it's easier for me to hate myself - to dismiss myself. I'm expecting too much. Guilt floods my mind and staples my mouth shut. I get so scared, so confused, and so lost. I become numb in the presence of you, only to turn around, and when you're not there, cry my heart out - to let my true emotions show. Drown in an ocean of my tears. I feel so unsafe with myself. I just want someone to hold me close and tell me everything will be alright. I'm waiting. I'm waiting for my hero. And wondering- Why it is, that they never seem to show. 8:44 p.m. - 03.22.04 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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