rayofmemory's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ::.You're not allowed to skim this.:: In the seventh grade my friend Josh and I were having a phone conversation where we decided we didn�t' believe in love. Without much explanation we were certain that people just learned to cope with each other for fear of being alone. About two months later, after too many chick flicks and crushes I decided I was kidding myself. Of course love was real, look at my parents. For a while after that I didn't really question it. In fact, I had believed strongly in love. I thought love was forever and there was one person out there for everyone. And I have believed this for quite some time. Until recently. The old questions began running through my head again. Who said love was more than a hallmark card? Who said that love was supposed to last forever? Who decided that there is only one person out there for you? Only one. Seems ridiculous to me. I was taught that prince charming would come for me, sweep me off my feet, save me from myself and shield me from the cruel world. Where the hell is he? Where is this man who is supposed to take all the bad out of my life? No where to be found, because this knight in shining armor doesn�t exist. I�ve come to the realization that I don�t believe that there is only one person out there for everyone. Because, honestly, how hopeless does that sound? Very, to me. I believe that a person can have many soul mates, many people that they connect extremely well with, whether it�s friends or family. All these thoughts started entering my head again after I started talking more and more about the idea of marriage. Not too long ago in my sociology class the teacher asked us to raise our hands if there were any of us who knew now that we weren�t ever going to get married. My hand seemed to slice through the air and reach for the sky the minute she finished the sentence. If some of my other teachers saw that, they�d probably wonder why I�m not that enthusiastic in their classes. I also had a conversation about marriage with my mother. I don�t even remember how it started, but she asked me if I ever thought I would get married. She had a look of shock on her face when I said no. And of course she had to ask me why. Why? Because I don�t like what marriage stands for anymore. If I question love, it shouldn�t come as such a surprise that I question marriage. I don�t like the fact that there are equal rights for those who are married and those who aren�t. I don�t like the fact that women who never get married are practically considered failures in society. A woman who doesn�t want to be married or doesn�t want to have children is looked at like she�s insane. I also don�t find it right when I turn on my t.v. and George Bush states that same-sex marriages are wrong because marriage is sacred. And then I open a magazine and see that Britney Spears got wasted, went to Vegas, married some guy and then only a few hours later had the marriage annulled. There�s a prime example of sacred marriage for you right there. Heterosexuals can get married for sex, money and maybe sometimes, love. They can get their marriages annulled and they can get divorces. But two people who are the same sex who believe they really love each other, can�t get married because marriage is sacred. All this contraversey over marriage got me thinking about love. I mean, besides commercials advertising diamonds, who really knows that love is forever? Or that you are supposed to be with one single person for your whole life? I mean, maybe at first people truly are in love. That raw, passionate, �I can�t live without you� love. At first. But then time goes on. You start compromising and settling for second best on things. Do people stay in love, or do they just adapt? Do people start �loving� out of obligation? Do people end up staying together for fear of being alone? Isn�t that possible? That people adapt to others and find themselves fearing being without them? I guess my question stopped being "is love real" to "are you supposed to be with one person forever"? I don�t think that I will ever be in love like that, that forever love. I know that I capable of loving, and of being loved. But I don�t believe that there is one single person out there for me. But I also don�t think less of the people that do believe that. I am content with having my many soul mates that are my friends. I am perfectly all right with a shoulder to cry on and someone to call when I�m upset. I am well off with �I love you�s� and hugs from friends. I know that my friends and family love me and that I love them and that�s all I need at this point. Sometimes I may get a little lonely, but then again, I am only human. If a love more than friends and family finds its way into my heart, then great, but I�m not going to wait around for it. My complexities remind me that I�m better off alone. 12:53 p.m. - 02.17.04 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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