rayofmemory's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ::falling apart:: So dysfunctional. Mother at her wits end and probably on the verge of filing for divorce. Father who's never here and when he is, is a complete asshole and ruins everything. Brother who is my arch enemy and all the time jackass. Younger brother who's an out of control loud mouth and goof ball. And then me, the depressed psychological fuck up and paranoid basket case. And then people wonder why I've stopped having people come over. I never thought of my family being dysfunctional. The thought never even occurred to me. My family was perfect. I think it was after my aunt left that things were really put into perspective. I want that angle to fade out. I want everything to go back to the way it was. I don't want to live here. I don't want my parents to be so distant from each other. I don't want to grow up. I would rather die tomorrow without saying goodbye to anyone, then live to see my eighteenth birthday. That sounds confusing. If I want out, what better birthday than eighteen? But, if I can barely survive in here, how am I going to make it out there, all alone. I will not survive. I have no confidence in myself after I move out. I don't even like the idea of thinking about the future. Future=Purgatory. I am so lost. So alone. His entry hits very close to home. 6:52 a.m. - 2003-03-05 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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