rayofmemory's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ::happiness is a lie:: This isn�t working anymore. It never left and now I want to soak in it. I want to sink my head into a pillow and forget how to breathe. A velcro smile, sugar coated the surface. Made the underlying sadness even disappear for me for a while. I've denied it. For what? Is it really worth it? Working towards a happiness that is only temporary, only to have someone break things unseen. No one to take my face in the palms of their hands and kiss my forehead while telling me everything is going to be okay. I want to faint, to fall to the floor and shatter, crumble underneath my own weight. To stop fighting for something unobtainable. Life is lonely and a lie. A cycle. Repeating the cycle. Getting closer, than farther away. Over and over and over again. My cycle became longer, but the same. I'm ok. No, I am not. I'm ok. No, I am not. I think I can make it. I can't. There's something more. More purpose. Only to get close enough to realize there isn't. Maybe this is where I am supposed to stay. Why build myself only to be knocked back down? I'll just stay. I'm lost, and I may not find my way back for a couple of days. 11:21 p.m. - 2002-12-01 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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