rayofmemory's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ::No Promises:: It all set in. I was waiting for it to happen and was curious about how long it would take...and finally it happened. All the stress, worrying, panicking, and depression finally just broke me. Now there's a relentless pounding in my head and a very uneasy feeling in my stomach. I feel like I'm about to explode and throw up. I feel like I've lost something but I really haven't. I feel like I'm right back where I started, step one. I feel like I just fell apart with no warning. Tears just started running down my face as I was driving home. It all came rushing at me like a tidal wave. The whole week, every conversation, every remark, every tear, every memory just came at me and I couldn't stop it. Even good things that I remembered made me cry, not in the fact that I was happy, but that I had felt I had lost them underneath everything else. I am fucking right back where I started and that makes me want to scream and cry. It makes me want to scream and rip things apart and shattered glass. And it makes me want to curl into a ball on the floor and cry until my throat hurts and I run out of tears. It's so overwhelming. 9:48 p.m. - 10.10.04 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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