rayofmemory's Diaryland Diary

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Song of the Moment: "Shy" ~ Ani Difranco

Went to Saginaw today with Lisa and Mat and picked up the Ani Difranco cd I've been wanting.

I feel awkward. Nothing seems to be able to take the feeling away either. I feel weird wherever I am, with whoever I'm with. With what I'm wearing, with what I'm saying, with what I'm thinking. Awkwardness I cannot escape. It's annoying and uncomfortable.

It's already starting to happen. A week and a half before we go back to school. And as usual, I feel like I've wasted another summer. There were so many things that I wanted to do, that I didn't. Failure. Again.

I've been so worried about growing up, that I haven't been paying attention to it happening. It's awkward and annoying and uncomfortable. I want it to stop. I want to stay right here, this age. It seems just right. Where's the road block that always seems like such an inconvenience?

I don't know what I want anymore. All I know is, like half the world, I do not like change. And I don't like what's happening. I don't like the turn things have taken. I don't want the end result.

In short, I don't like the concept of life. Living. Growing up. The future.

5:15 p.m. - 2003-08-17

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