rayofmemory's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ::this endless grey of me:: Regret. Another thing I abhor. I dislike that I am filled with regret constantly, among other things. I regret saying the wrong words, doing the wrong things, and not going down paths that would have been interesting to explore. I seem to be a puzzle, a riddle that even I can't solve. A message in a bottle thrown into the emerald green sea, expected to make it to the other side before being pulled under by the current. I ask of others to read the message, even though I have no idea what is inscribed on the inside. I have lost myself. It's a fear of many people, to forget the person you are. Now I have become this empty frame. This endless grey. At least, that is what it feels like sometimes. I have inspiration but no ambition to do anything with it. I have ideas, opinions, feelings and conversations running through my head but sometimes it feels like I only have myself to talk to. And I know I am lucky with all the wonderful friends I have, I've never doubted that. Sometimes it's just harder to open up than I anticipated and I don't know why. Vulnerability, has never scared me before. I always trusted people, I've always taken what people say as sincere. Over the last couple of years people have given me reason to doubt them and myself. It sounds like I'm making excuses. And I'm not, I'm just trying to understand where the wrong corner was so I can turn back around. 10:58 p.m. - 2003-03-07 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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