rayofmemory's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ::Just need to unload somewhere:: Song of the Moment: "o.k." by Ani Difranco. There are a decent amount of things that have happened and thoughts that have been running through my head the past couple of days. But I haven't written about them, at least not here. And now I'm at a loss as to what to say. So her goes my lovely rambling. On Friday night one of my close friends was raped. Now, for those of you who know me, you know that my biggest fear is of being raped. That terrifies me. I don't know what I would do if anything like that happened to me. I would probably die actually. Rape explains some of my issues with men. I started feeling uncomfortable around men in certain situations around the middle of last year. Especially older men. I went to a bachelor party with a couple of friends�we just met the guys. It took them about forty-five minutes to convince me to go. I told them, you need to stay by me. All I could think about was "what if I get left in the room alone with one of these guys? Are they going to try and pull something?" Turns out I was worried for nothing. Those guys were nothing like that. But that thought didn't leave my mind, it was still back there. There have been other incidents where the thought has occurred to me. My friend had three Hard Mike's Lemonades, which doesn't usually affect her at all. And she smoked a little weed. Her friends left this guy's house for a while and just left her there with him and that's when he took advantage of her. I think what scared me most was that type of situation hit too close to home. I was pretty pissed at her friends for leaving her, since that is what I always make sure will not happen if I go to a party or anything like that. But on the other hand, how were they supposed to know he was a rapist. That also scares me. You never know. Second semester of my freshmen year there was this guy in my Algebra class who sat a seat or two away from me. I used to talk to him all the time. Just friendly conversation, laughing, that sort of stuff. I thought he was a pretty nice and a decent guy. I later find out that he raped four girls in my school, two of which I know, and he is now in jail. You never know. That whole thing terrifies me to no end.
On another note, I ran into Dianne's mother today in the library. I heard her call my name, turned around, saw her coming towards me and I could only think about bashing this woman's head in. Dianne's parents put her in a foster home, but I think it's for the best. For those of you who don't know, Dianne has been mentally and physically abused by her parents for practically sixteen years. I wrote a story about it a year ago, before she was in a foster home. I believe the unrevised version is actually on this diary. (Read it here.) Her name was changed because the good version of the story was published. Maybe one day I'll type up the better version. I've gotten a little taste of what Dianne has gone through when I used to spend the night at her house on weekends. I don't understand how a parent can treat their children like that. I just don't understand it at all. Well that's enough emotional unloading for one entry. 9:10 p.m. - 2003-02-26 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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