rayofmemory's Diaryland Diary

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'{panic attacks}'

whats up? not much here. dads b-day is friday. great..i totally forgot until now. damn it. i didn't give a speech that i was supposed to today in speech class. for those who don't know i have social anxiety disorder(sp) and i told my speech teachers this...even tho i didn't want to. but anywho...we had to read one speech everyday for this week...and today i couldn't do it... i had a panic attack in 5th hour(math, the class right before speech class) so i talked to my teacher and basically just told him that i couldn't do it. i feel miserable. i hate the fact that i don't have control over that part of my life. this disorder keeps me from doing things. i can't eat in the cafeteria i can't hang out at the mall very much, etc,...its just a totally downer. :(

for those who don't know what a panic attack feels like:

i get a cold needle like feeling in my body and normally it starts at my stomach and then moves upward...this lasts for minutes..then my hands start shaking...sometimes i feel dizzy...my heart pounds hard and i break out into a cold sweat...all of this lasts for about 3-5 minutes. it is not fun. the worst one i got today during math. i thought i was gonna die. well i better get going...i have to call diana and mat. kimi read my

nightmare entry and thought it was freaky(forgot to tell you that a while ago. lol)

oh, i got pics of our lovely doggies click

herefor pics of our bunny foo foos

(to lighten the day, lol) (don't ask)

[their not very good at posing for the camera...but you gotta give 'em credit for trying]

heres poncho(my doggie)shes grey hound and black lab mix

heres haley(moms doggie)shes beagle and black lab

and heres both so u can see the difference

haleys on the left, poncho on the right

4:05 p.m. - 2001-09-26

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