rayofmemory's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ::Damn the Feds:: This past week has been one hell of a rollercoaster ride. Right this moment I feel like I've finally fallen off the tracks. I seemed to have leaned a little too far over the edge. Mat was here to witness about four emotional breakdowns in only a week period. I can't even back track and tell you what my deal was. My head's all fuzzy. I know that I did enjoy having Mat here as always. He's the only person who can keep me sane and he's the only person who can comfort me. I do believe it was two days ago that I almost completely lost it. I was sitting at the computer and I was trying to burn a CD which I royally fucked up. So I was pissed about that. And just when I was pissed at myself and the computer, father walks by to remind me of all the chores I have to do around the house. Fine. No problem. Just give me a second to fix this and then I'll do it. So I run outside to ask dear mutti if we can run to the store to get some blank CDs since we have to get in the car and go to the library anyways. And in her hand she holds the letter that happens to ruin the day. It's a letter from college telling me that they "regret to inform me..." but they can't give me the financial aid I seek. This letter basically tells me that they can't give me any money to get through college. I have 750 dollars. That's it. So my parents get into a fight. I walk into my room and sit in the middle of bed trying to keep my cool because I just got screwed. "What did I do to deserve this?" I finally walk out of my room and find mutti in the screened in porch in tears. I realize how serious this situation is. I have no money to get myself through college and my mother is unemployed because the place that she was working pretty much folded and we're barely getting by. In order to stay on my parents health insurance I have to be enrolled in college full-time. I can't have even a part time job or else I'm kicked off their insurance, because I'm eighteen. But in order to pay for college, insurance on my car and gas I have to have a full-time job over the summer/fall and a part-time one when I'm in college. I feel dizzy running around in this circle that screwed me over so badly. It was just a huge headache. And we need to sit down and figure out what the hell I'm going to do...because I'm ready to give up. I'm so ready. 5:46 p.m. - 07.11.04 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||