rayofmemory's Diaryland Diary

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::Faking IT::

So I had an abso-fucking-lutely great day. The first time I've had a pretty gosh darn good day in a while and guess what, I can't tell my best friend about it. lol. I always seem to have a terrible day and I always call him and whine on about it and I finally have some funny shit to tell him and guess what? I can't because he stayed home "sick" today because he didn't get enough sleep last night and his mother forbode (hehe) him from the phone. As Kazi said, "Pssh". lol. Although she's practically an insomniac and can stay up until all hours of the night and come to school on no sleep. Yes, I know everyone needs a certain amount of sleep so I'll stop ragging on you Mat. I still wub oo!

I've always wanted to watch my friends fake sick in action. lol. I always thought it'd be pretty cool to watch your friend try and do it. Which, none of them can do it as well as me. *duh* I was pretty satisfied with Matthew Broderick's "faking sick" performance in Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Still, I can't quite picture how hilarious it would be to see Mat trying to pretend to be sick.

Faking It

(you thought I was going to start talking about something else, didn't you? Dirty, dirty, dirty.)

1. If you don't have to be too worried about be hauled off to the doctors office, then I would suggest pretending to have a stuffed nose. For some people it's easy to sound nasal. A head cold is usually pretty easy to get away with. Tell your parents your head feels like it stuffed with cotton, you have a sore throat and your nose is drippy. Sniffling helps!
2. This also applies if you don't think your parents will have time to take you to the doctors. Throw up. Now, I've never used this method, as I'm such a good actress I've never had to go to such desperate measures to stay home, nor would I want to. The trick is to stick some toothpaste on your toothbrush, close the to the end of it and stick it in your mouth reaching all the way to your gag reflex (I don't know what it's really called but it's that dangling thing in the back of your throat) getting some of the toothpaste on it so you throw up. Only problem with this is you'll need to get the toothpaste off your gag reflex or you'll never stop. Keep a glass of water near by. This would really make your toilet colourful if you've just got done eating breakfast.
3. This one is the one I mostly use besides the #1. The stomach ache. Very easy to fake. In fact, even an amateur could pull this one off. And you're not very likely to go to the doctor since it would be hard to diagnose and your parents know a stomach ache will go away eventually. If you usually spend a certain amount of time in the bathroom in the morning and you don't want to go to school, stay in there. Wait until your family members are practically lined up at the door wanting to get in. When you come out tell your parents you have a stomach ache and get in line. Yes, go in again. You want them to think this is serious enough that you have to stay home. It can get boring, being that bathroom all that time but suck it up! You're the one who needs to stay home. Hell, take a book in there with you, just make your stomach ache look damn believable.

Musts
1. The pained look is a must. If your going for the head cold or stomach ache you must, must, must show the pain in your face. So much that your parents can't stand to look at you because it almost hurts them and then they won't be able to bare making you go to school.
2. Medicine. Always tell you parents after they've decided to let you stay home that you will or already have taken medications for your problem. This seals the deal in the way that they figure you're telling the truth because you're responsible enough to take care of yourself. You have to make them believe that you really are sick and that you don't want to be, but you are. Really.
3. Sniffling, coughing, gagging and being in the bathroom for longer than usual are pretty good persuasive techniques as well. If you think you're parents aren't buying it, adding a few of these in your performance just may be your ticket out of the hell they call school.

If you really need something more. I have two more suggestions taken from movies. Ferris (already mentioned above) mentions licking the palms of his hands in order to make them feel clammy. Not bad. Another, from the movie E.T. I believe the kid takes his thermometer and sticks it on a light bulb to get it hot. I wouldn't suggest this just in case it goes way high that it's impossible. No one wants to be rushed the hospital for a faker. I would suggest using a heating pad if you got one. Just for a little while and then asking a parent to feel your forehead cause you don't feel well. If you pull it off well they won't feel compelled to take your temperature.

I haven't faked sick in a while (about a year) actually. Don't feel the need anymore. I don't take "mental health days" because they always seem to make things worse. Every once in a while I'll need to take a "I'm-way-over-due-on-sleep-so-get-the-fuck-out-of-my-way" day. But usually I'm honest about those. If I've been working my tail off at school and things are bad in my personal life and I haven't gotten sleep for about three days, I'll ask my mom if I can stay home. I usually don't stay home unless I'm really sick or am on the verge of an emotional breakdown. I don't stay home to dodge projects or tests because I know I'll have to do them eventually anyways.

So, there's my little tangent about faking sick. *cough cough*

7:07 p.m. - 10.06.03

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