rayofmemory's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ::Unwanted:: Note: I think this might be the second entry of the day. If not, I made an entry late last night. Yesterday when I was at the library sitting on chair in front of a computer, there was a man next to me who was typing furiously. Almost as if he didn't get all the words from his head onto the screen fast enough he might lose every thought. He was nervous that I was at the computer next to him. He seemed to keep peering over at me to see if I was looking at him type or looking at his screen. I hated it. Not because he was making me nervous but because he was making my existence so apparent. I often do that, almost forget that I'm visible. I remember when I run into something or when someone stares. Mirrors do it too. Mirrors make it painfully evident. I always looked so shocked to see my reflection in a mirror, like I didn't expect it. Most of the time, I don't. I half expect to see nothing. I half expect to see what I feel, about myself. I feel the most unnerved when I catch someone looking at me in the mirror. I loathe that second when I catch their eyes looking at my reflection. I flinch and become nervous. Like in the reflection they can see my deep dark secret curled within me. It's that moment when I realize the most that I am taking up space. 2:12 p.m. - 10.20.04 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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