rayofmemory's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ::Change in the Winds:: I wrote this entry at two in the morning. I was half-asleep but very determined. So this entry is more about me busting out of my shell and clarifying a few things. This entry is for me and it has to do with you. it is a disclaimer of sorts that I think is way overdue for my personal space that is this diary. I am sick and tired of going back and looking over my old entries and reading only half (or nothing at all) of what I know was really on my mind. I am tired of always wondering what people are going to think if I really speak my mind or say how I truly feel. People I don't know read this diary, my dearest friends read this diary, even my mother sometimes reads it and I'm tired of wondering what you will all think. This is not your fault, it's mine. And frankly, I'm done. I'm done giving a damn. This is my diary. And yes, it is public and yes it is online, but that's how I like it. This is my only outlet, it's my only place for my rants, rages, thoughts, feelings. It's the only place I feel I can vent, even if most of the time recently I've been doing it half-assed. I'm so friggin' tired of being so vague about what I'm thinking or feeling. This is my personal, private space where I should feel safe enough to say what I want. And I'm going to. And if you don't like what I have to say, you don't have to read it. Seriously, go away. You're not wanted here. Recently I was talking to a friend online about the up-coming election and somehow we got on the topic of women's rights and women's right to choose. I was going to write a diary entry about it but then I thought to myself, "Maybe I shouldn't. I don't know what people will think of me if I do. And people might not really want to come of my diary to read about that" And it occurred to me, fuck everyone else. I'm tired of being repressed by other people, society and sometimes, myself. This is my damn diary and I can write whatever I feel like. If you don't like what I have to write, don't read it. If I want to write about my political beliefs, such as, being pro-choice or how I feel about the wage-gap or the women's movement in general, goddamnit...I'm going to. If I want to write about how severely depressed I was all day, without feeling the need to not reveal too much, I'm going to. And if I don't feel like giving my opinion or writing about how depressed I was, than I won't. This is MINE! I'm an almost nineteen-year-old opinionated bisexual feminist, suffering from depression with tendencies to be out-spoken and downright out-loud about how I feel about things, the world around me and myself. And damnit, I have every right in the world to express it through this diary and you can't stop me. I'm done giving a shit about what YOU think of ME. I am entitled to my opinions and my feelings, just like you are and I refuse to control mine for fear of what you might think, say, or do because of it. This is my place, my spot in this world...and although it might not seem too valuable to some people and you could be thinking, "What the hell is she ranting about? It's just an online diary," it means something to me. It's the one outlet I have. A place where I can express myself, where I can get myself across. It's the one place I don't want to feel invisible. And I won't. I have a voice and I want it to be heard (or read in this case). SO DEAL. 12:24 p.m. - 10.25.04 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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