rayofmemory's Diaryland Diary

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::Tangled Thoughts::

Song of the Moment: "Taxi Ride" ~ Tori Amos.

I've been sick, tired, depressed and very irritable for a little over a week now. Well, I seem to be most of those all the time...but for the past week they have been amplified. In short, I feel like shit. Which shouldn't be news to anyone. I realized last night as I was curled into the fetal position on my bed bawling my eyes out for what seemed like an eternity that I've been bottling up most of my emotions. A week or two ago I felt numb. I felt like I was physically here, but emotional and mentally gone.

This diary is supposed to serve as my outlet. I always told myself that I wouldn't hold back, no matter who was reading. And recently I've been noticing how much I've been hesitating and holding back what's really on my mind to spare everyone else. But while sparing everyone else I realize I'm sacrificing part of me. You shouldn't get me in pieces...you get the whole me.

I've been struggling with everything lately. And I've been holding so much in. It would feel so good to sigh with relief.

I really don't know what else to type. I think I just felt some need to say that things aren't so peachy, like I felt the need to get that out of me.

1:28 p.m. - 09.07.04

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