rayofmemory's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ::The Bad Stuff. Brace Yourself For Emotional Whining:: Nothing seems to be going right. I've been very depressed lately, although, I'm sure most of you guessed that. I seem to be falling farther and farther away. Down, down, down...tumbling. I keep telling myself that I am not going to get worked up or worried about next week. I shall not be intimidated. I shall not be afraid. Thanksgiving is usually always a hassle, for whatever reason. Sometimes you just don't feel like dealing with family, even if they celebrate your birthday on the same day. While Mat was over this past weekend we had a conversation about this week. It was one of those conversations where I really needed a mirror. I believed what I was saying, I just didn't know if I could follow it. I used to hate this week. The week of my birthday and Thanksgiving. Well, I made it through my birthday just fine. Now it's about Thanksgiving and Mat's birthday going smoothly. Today I got a call from work and I got a whole mess of new shifts because one of the co-workers is in the hospital. I'm working on Mat's birthday. Sigh. Originally I had the day off, then I was told I was working 8:30-2:30. I talked to Mat and then called them back asking if I could take a different shift because we had plans for Mat's birthday. Now I'm working 5:30-10:30. Which still kinda sucks. It sucks knowing I'm going to be working on my best friends birthday and we might not get to do all the things we wanted to to on his birthday. The good thing about all the new shifts if I'll get some nice pay checks. Sigh. It's everything adding up, it really is. I feel like I'm whining, and you know what, I probably am. But I really don't give a shit. This morning I got up and started to work on the template. It's not working out at all. So instead of doing on big collage image for the template I'm doing a series of templates. They will all be the same general idea and concept but different layouts and different pictures. I'll say more when I know more about what the hell I'm doing. So that was kind of a downer this morning. Then work calls and I found out my new and more shifts. Then the phone rings and Mike picks it up. He starts to hand it to me. He covers the mouth piece and tells me that it's mothers mom. I kept telling him to tell her that I was in the bathroom so I didn't have to talk to her and he kept proceeding to hand the phone to me. He wouldn't tell her I couldn't come to the phone. So I had to talk to her for NINE minutes on the phone. Nine minutes doesn't seem like a whole lot, but when dealing with this woman, it's an eternity. So that sucked. Everything just FUCKING SUCKS! There are so many things I'm leaving out at this point but I'm so upset and pissed right now that I can't seem to type them all out. Just know that most of the bad stuff is pretty bad. It doesn't seem that bad according to this entry, but if I could type it all out, you'd probably have a better understanding. It just sucks. All of it just sucks. I've been bottling things up for a little to long. I can tell because I feel if one more thing goes wrong, I'm going to combust. If I open my mouth, I'm going to start screaming. 4:34 p.m. - 11.23.04 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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