rayofmemory's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ::Silent treatment is best:: Song of the Moment: "Babylon" ~ David Gray. So now I'm not speaking to either of my parents and they're not really speaking to me unless it's just to say or ask the usual. I was having a pretty okay too, until I got home. Sometimes I start to think that no body wants me to be happy. I wrote that diary entry about the relationship between my father and I on a whim. And go figure, the next night he does/says something so horrible to me that I've lost all respect for the man. I only had a sliver left and now there is nothing, that was the last straw. And don't ask me what it was he said because I refuse to repeat it. I don't want to think about it, so what makes you think I want to say it out loud. So now him and I aren't really speaking because I will never forgive or forget. I've done it too many times before and all it ever does is get me hurt. This week and last week has been nothing but shit. Sure, good things happened, but it's hard to remember underneath the clutter of all the things that went wrong. And today I was actually having a pretty content day and I should have known something would go wrong. I felt it, but I ignored it. Mutti and I got into a fight practically the moment I got in the door. These past few weeks have not been good for my parents or I. Not by ourselves or in terms of our relationship. I can't even think about everything that has happened lately without crying. There isn't a night I don't go to bed crying. There isn't a morning where I don't feel like a part of me just died and I cry again. There isn't a day that goes by where I don't wish I just had never been born. I'm wishing for a freak accident. Please, just take me away from here. 9:46 p.m. - 01.11.05 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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