rayofmemory's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ::sometimes I just want to lose it:: I was reading this book for independent reading and there's this part where the guy loses it says some really mean things to his parents. They were mean, but true. And I kept thinking sometimes I wish I could do that. Not to be mean, but truthful and get rid of some of the emotions in my body. It's like I can't afford to be irrational, which is probably part of the reason for most of my emotional breakdowns. I just have an extremely guilty conscience. Hell, I feel guilty about my guilty conscience. I immediately feel like shit after I blow up�and sometimes I truly re-lay the whole conversation and think that my reaction was justifiable but I still can't live with myself after doing it. I have to talk to that person right after I blew up and fix everything. I can't function without saying sorry. It sucks sometimes. It really does. I never get a chance to just blow off some steam. 11:30 p.m. - 10.03.03 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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